What Do I Say to Someone Who Is Dying?

I have had cancer multiple times and honestly, the diagnosis is never easy. Cancer is a scary word. It doesn't just affect the patient. Many people are concerned and want to help. I've found that many are uncomfortable and unsure of what they can do. Based on my experience, here are some things to consider when wondering how best to serve a terminally-ill person.

Find out what the family really needs before you inundate them with lasagna and cookies. A life-threatening disease takes time to deal with, so give the person and his or her family a chance to adjust. It's shocking news to get a terminal diagnosis; but just because the doctor gave me this news, didn't mean I was a different person then who just walked through the front door. For me, I really couldn't believe that I was that sick. Wait, did you just say your assigning me a hospice nurse? Isn't that what happens right before you die? I just walked in here and ate a burger at Wendy's before that. Took the kids swimming and cleaned the house that morning. It's surreal for everyone. Didn't I just see her at church? She seemed fine. I just talked to her in the halls at school. Is this for real? Trust me, I know. I've said those same things. Perhaps they won't need assistance at first, but it will come. Routines at home need time to adjust.

Check with the family to see what kind of service will be most helpful. It's ok if they don't know at first. Again, it takes time to adjust. After my appointment, I didn't just go home and lay in bed because I was told that I was sick. Life goes on and you want everything to be as normal as possible until change is needed. At least that's how I've felt.  Also know, that we love all of you and can't possibly reply to everyone's concerns, texts, emails, etc... fast enough. If you don't get a reply right back or at all, it's probably because I'm asleep or most likely, my phone is dead because I forgot to charge it the night before.

I also love visitors, I've just realized my body can't handle long visits or lots of visits in one day. Hence the reason for a visitor sign-up. Some people don't like that, you are more then welcome to stop by but I may not answer or if I do may only have a short time to visit.  Know that I'm not being rude, I've done this before and know how important it is to take care of myself or I can get run down really fast. I appreciate when people are willing to give of themselves - to truly visit with me and give me hugs.

When you visit, be yourself and treat me normally. I'm still the same person I was before my diagnosis. I still want to know what's happening and feel like I'm a part of things. I want to share in my friends and family's feelings and concerns as I always have. Laughter really is good medicine. Don't be afraid to share it.

There are lots of things you can do, just treat the person as normal as possible, and tailor your service to meet the person's needs. Things are slowly changing at my house. I sleep more because I'm more tired. Pain progressively gets worse. Sitting and laying down are actually the worst for me pain wise. Come to visit with your tennis shoes. I may ask you to go on a walk with me. Everything hurts but that's my new normal. Don't be afraid if I wince a couple times when I move, that's just where I'm at.

I'm just putting this out there because it helps all of us. There are only 5 people in this house, so if you are so kind to bring something over that you think my family will enjoy smaller is better. Meaning, we don't need a 9x13 of whatever goodness you make. An 8x8 is perfect! I am not a sweets person right now. My husband never thought he'd hear me say that EVER!! I've had some nausea this last week, not sure why, but sweets are the last thing that sound good to me right now, Shad really doesn't eat them and Dallin won't during running season. So just a small something is fantastic. Salty things sound good. Soups, breads, salads that's what sounds good to me. I don't just think it's the season but I love Fall too. My tastes are ever changing, the joys of illness.

Basically, tell me what's going on outside of my house. I know what's happening here. I'm here all the time. Let me know what's happening in the world around me. I want to hear about you and your life. I'm tired of talking about mine. I need to go lay down now, but know that we love every service that has been done in our behalf because we know it's been done with love. Love you All💗