Today's Doctors Visit

Today was a hard day! But I know that Heavenly Father is aware of me and knows my desires. 

 I will just basically list what I was told at my appointment today:

• I have been diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer that has metastasized to my brain and bones. 
• This is incurable, terminal.
• The only drug that works against Triple Negative Breast Cancer is chemo.
• Chemo can not kill it, but it can shrink it and I will have to take chemo the rest of my life.
• Chemo doesn't work in the brain like the rest of the body hence the reason we radiate the brain.
• Prognosis hard to pinpoint due to unknowns of how body will react and the fact that it's in my brain.
• We've been told to not hold back on anything we want to do as a family.
• It's All about time.
• We are going to get second opinions from UofW in Seattle and Huntsmans Cancer Center in Utah. 
• I ask that as you pray, please help me to know which direction God wants me to take. Hard decisions to make this next week and it's been an emotional, exhausting day!

Brain Radiation

I keep forgetting to post these. This is what I do for brain radiation everyday. Note how I'm strapped down. Yes, there's holes but still! This takes about 20 minutes.

They say I get to keep the mask when I'm done. Why?

This machine rotates around my body and the table I'm laying on moves too.
Hence the Disney ride experience I've referred too.

I look like a I could be a character off Avatar when I'm done.
Just need some green/blue coloring.

I had to post this just for remembering because of a funny comment Makenna made when she drove me to radiation the first time. When we pulled into the parking lot I told her to just pull in here. She said, "Mom, we can't park here." I said, "Why not, I am a patient?" I'm sure at first glance she probably thought it was a handicapped sign. It was funny at the time.

Another sign... when I see signs like this, I enter. This door is 6-8 inches thick. I usually smile when I walk past signs like this because most people avoid these doors but I always enter. ;)

Rachael drove me this day. She may be doing an oncology preceptership next semester,
so thought I'd show her my fancy room.

Sometimes... That Mountain Doesn't Move

Newspaper Article: October 12, 2014

Five years ago, several iconic Utah musicians sat in a Salt Lake City hospital room with another iconic Utah musician, pianist Paul Cardall, who was waiting/hoping for a heart transplant.

Ryan Shupe was there, and Peter Breinholt, and Mindy Gledhill, and Charley Jenkins, among others. They sat around and played songs and offered hope and encouragement, which was sorely needed. If Cardall didn’t get a heart transplant very soon, he would die.

But prospects were good. His name had risen to the top of the list waiting for a donor heart. The next one that became available would be his.

As he lay in his bed, the thought struck Cardall that for him to get a new heart, someone else was going to have to die.

“I kind of feel guilty praying for a brand new heart,” he confided to his friends, “knowing someone else’s prayers won’t get answered.”

After the concert/party/hospital visit was over and the nurses were shooing everyone out of the room, one of the musicians leaned over and said to Cardall, “OK, when you get better we’re going to write that song.”

It was Charley Jenkins. The country singer, of course.

That song would be about the prayers God answers, and doesn’t.

He had the idea — Cardall had given them that in the hospital room — but getting it down on paper was proving as complicated as the concept.

He recruited some songwriters he knew in Nashville for help and they “started to tighten the nuts on it.” One verse talked about a bride praying that it wouldn’t rain on her wedding day while a farmer in the midst of a drought is praying that it will. Another verse replicates the Paul Cardall heart transplant scene in a hospital room.

But it wasn’t until Jenkins was having a conversation about religion one day with a writer friend that he had what songwriters call “the hook.”

The friend discussed a talk he’d heard by a Mormon bishop who spoke about the concept of faith being able to move mountains, but who also observed, “Sometimes the mountains don’t move.”

That’s it! thought Charley. He completed the song with this chorus:

Sometimes all we see is our slice of reality

But things are not as simple as they seem to be

There’s times hard as we pray heaven has another way

And even though there’s nothing faith can’t do

Sometimes that mountain doesn’t move

THAT MOUNTAIN

PERFORMED CHARLEY JENKINS

A young bride on her knees 
Asking God, “please, 
don’t let it rain.” 
With the groom and family 
outside waiting 
on her special day. 
“Please let the clouds blow by, 
O give us clear blue skies,” 
she prays. 
Down the road a few miles out of town 
A farmer’s on his knees. 
His crops are dying in his fields, 
Won’t last another week. 
“Don’t let the clouds go blow by, 
Let rain drops fill the skies,” he prays. 

Chorus 
Sometimes all we see 

Is our slice of reality 
But things are not as simple 
as they seem to be 
There’s times hard as we pray 
Heaven has another way 
And even though there’s nothing faith can't do 
sometimes that mountain doesn’t move. 

Gathered in a waiting room a family hopes 
that the doctors wrong 
when he says the machines have kept her 
But she’s already gone 
“Our daughter’s way to young 
Don’t let her days be done,” they pray. 
Three flours up and just down the hall 
A little one’s shutting down 
He’s been the first name on the list 
Going on six months now 
“Pease let this be the day, 
A new heart’s on it’s way,” he prays. 

Chorus 

Hope one day I can see 
All the strokes in the master piece 
Then finally understand how they fit 
In the master plan. 

Chorus 

Down the road a few miles 
out of town 
A farmer’s on his knees. 
His crops are dying in his fields, 
Won’t last another week. 
“Don’t let the clouds blow by, 
Let rain drops fill the skies,” 
he prays. 

Sometimes all we see 
is our slice of reality, 
But things are not as simple 
as they seem to be. 
There’s times hard as we pray 
Heaven has another way 
and even though 
there’s nothing faith can't do 
sometimes that mountain 
doesn’t move. 

Gathered in a waiting room a family hopes that 
the doctors wrong 
when he says, 
“The machines have kept her here 
but she’s already gone.” 
“Our daughter’s way to young 
Don’t let her days be done,” they pray. 
Three flours up 
and just down the hall 
A little one’s shutting down 
He’s been the first name on the list 
Going on six months now 
“Pease let this be the day, 
A new heart’s on it’s way,” he prays. 

Hope one day I can see 
All the strokes in the master piece 
Then finally understand how they fit in the master plan.

I know I've been needing to post, but just got final word on my biopsy yesterday and was waiting to post until then. I was going to post something last night but honestly, just didn't want to do it. My results are back and it's the Triple Negative Breast Cancer that's metastasized to my brain and bones. That is the aggressive cancer from before. We figured this was probably the case but was hoping and praying for a little light in the darkness. I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday to discuss what treatment options are available to me through Chemo on his end. I will also be meeting with another Integrative Oncologist on Wednesday to see what options he thinks I have aside from Chemo. I'm also currently still a patient at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and am setting up an appointment to meet with someone to see if there's anything new out there.  Honestly, I know the prognosis is not good but I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I know that it is very different then the one I had planned. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought, even fighting cancer before, that I may never see my kids get married, or even all graduate, or hold my grandkids. But Heavenly Father has blessed me with time right now.  I have 4 weeks left of summer with my kiddos. We're going to fill that time together, taking pictures, making videos and putting these all together so they can always "Remember."

I started to read the Book of Mormon over again this week and with each chapter answer this question, "Why was this chapter written for Rebecca Price?" I believe that Heavenly Father had prophets of old, write and keep records of their day (the scriptures), so that we could read from them and learn and grow. That we might always "Remember" where we came from. If we don't take the time to learn from our past, then why are we here? I've just been thinking about this and the importance of remembering. I believe that we have a purpose here in this life. I believe that I lived with God before I came here and that He is the father of my spirit. He sent me here to learn and grow and prepare myself to live with Him eternally one day. With free agency (choice), I can choose which path I follow. As a parent it's hard to see our children make choices you wish they hadn't, but isn't that when we learn the most? That is why were here. If I gave everything I wanted to my kids and made life easy so that they never felt pain, they'd never understand happiness or joy. I love my Heavenly Father and am grateful for his guiding hand in my life. This mountain may not move but there will be others and I'm up for the challenge. Just today, I need a little rest. 

Sometimes... we just have to hold on.

 So apparently I'm not showing the cuteness of my hair on here, so I've been asked to add some other shots. I guess if I'm only going to have hair for the next couple weeks, I might as well show it off. Not sure how else to do it, except with a mirror. Thank you Madi for cutting my cute cut!

(This was typed yesterday, Saturday, July21st)

Ok, so I haven't received the results yet from my biopsy, so I'm still not sure which cancer has come back, but I did start radiation on my brain yesterday. I will have to post a picture of that. That's something to document. It's different than my other radiations I've received. This time, I'm strapped down to the table by a mask that covers my face. The same machine, used in previous treatments, rotates around my head and the table moves too. If I try really hard, I can imagine I'm on a ride at Disney which helps a lot.😊 My brain treatment is about 20 minutes long where my other location  takes maybe 5 minutes. But as far as I'm concerned, they can take their time. It is my brain we're talking about here. Now would not be the time to hear one of the technicians say, oops! 😉 Haha

So today is a special day because each year on the 24th of July, we choose to celebrate and remember those pioneers who've paved the trails for us to follow. Obviously we're celebrating a little early, since it's only the 21st, this is because we have Scout Camp next week. Shad and I were asked to be on a committee to help plan this before I was diagnosed. As I've been thinking about today, it reminded me of something I did a couple years ago with my kids that I thought would be a fitting post for this blog. Every four years the youth (ages 12-18) in our church go on a pioneer trek. It's a great chance for them to experience a reenactment of an actual event that many of their ancestors participated in.  Lots of youth participated (500 people - 400 youth, 100 leaders), Wednesday thru Saturday, 24 miles across the mountains (North Powder, Oregon), everyone dressed in pioneer clothes, wooden handcarts, it was awesome! The trek was scheduled for the summer of 2016; the year after my last cancer battle. I knew I would not be able to participate and help like I wanted to because my body just wasn't up for all that yet. Shad and I had been a Ma and Pa in the trek four years earlier and I so loved our pioneer family and the experiences we shared and learned from each other. I loved it AND it was very hard!

2016 Pioneer Trek

For the 2016 Trek, I would have four kids participating. I had just overcome my own personal trek, battling breast cancer in 2015, and so I wanted to watch my kids participate in this Trek, but how? Well, lucky for me, they just happened to call my dear friend, Melissa, and her husband, Ryan to help organize the youth and be in charge of this great task.  Why was this lucky for me? Because my amazing friend was also going to have a baby right before the trek, and I was hoping that she might want some help taking care of her while she was busy running around. Let's be honest, Melissa could have handled this on her own, there was plenty of other helpers that could have taken the baby for a second if needed; but it was a tender mercy to me when I asked to just help with the baby and she said yes. I was so excited! I could watch my kids from a distance, got to take care of the best baby ever, and didn't have to do all the walking with the groups. That was a win all the way around for me.

Look at this perfect pioneer baby! Really, she was so so good.

Some of the young men waiting at the top of the hill for the young women in their families to bring the carts up the hill. This is always very emotional for me.
I can't find my women's pull pictures. 😢

 Usually on the second day of the trek, there is a special event called, the men's callout and women's pull. The men’s callout and women’s pull usually occur on a hill. The men’s callout separates the young men from the young women. A priesthood leader explains that during the early days of the Church, fathers, brothers, and sons were often called to serve missions, and in the case of the handcart companies, many men died on the trail. Women often assumed heavy physical labor to ensure that their families reached Zion. During this activity, the women pull the handcarts up the hill without the men. I really wanted to do this with Makenna on the trek this year. I didn't tell her because I wanted to surprise her.  She was my only girl going on the trek that year as Rachael was already in college and I knew it would be my only time to do this with her before she graduated. So after running this by Melissa, and asking Makenna's trek Ma, Amy, if I could participate with them it was set. Makenna was excited and I was just praying I could make it; but we were walking, so I could do this. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. The girls were all along the front of the handcart and Amy and I were to be on the back pushing. The next thing I know, it's our turn to go and the girls take off running. There was a ways we had to pull before we got to the hill. I thought, "Oh my gosh, what are we doing? I can't do this." It was literally everything I could do just to hold on. I'm sure we didn't run that far but it felt like forever before we caught up to the cart in front of us and got to start walking. I turned to Amy and said, "I'm so sorry because I know I'm not helping at all." She turned to me and said, "Don't you worry, it's ok, you just hold on." 

Which brings me to why I wrote this.

At different times in our lives, there will be trials or moments when all we can do is to hold on. But honestly, this can be frustrating to me because I want to be the pioneer on the front of the cart, not the back. I want to be the helper, the doer, pulling my weight and others; not the one everyone has to help and take care of. One of my friends sent me a message on Facebook the other day where she wrote, "I've always been drawn to your faithful, strong, loving, hardworking, tell it like it is, no bs, get it done attitude." At first, I laughed when I read this. Then I thought, "Oh dear, is that really what people think of me?" Then I read it again. The person she described is a helper and doer. 

So maybe I just need to learn how I can contribute, even from the back because I'm not alone there. There are others helping me push. Some I can see and others I can not. I know that my Savior is there. He knows and understands my every thought, wish, feeling, hurt and pain. He knows my desires and prayers and is ever there, providing what I need. I can't always be on the front of the cart, others need a turn. Isn't that how we all learn and grow? So, for now, I'm working my way to the back of the cart. Haven't totally got in it yet. But I know, there will come a time that I'll just have to hold on... and that's ok.

Lots of you have offered to help in any way you can, and I promise, as help is needed we will ask. I'm really doing pretty good right now. If you hadn't been told of my prognosis, you'd probably not notice anything different. I may move a little slower or have a little jolt of pain that someone might see me react too but other than that, I'm still me. For now, we're trying to keep it as normal around our house as possible. Things will change as school starts and new treatments are started, that's when I'll start to need more help. For now, please just keep my family and I in your prayers as decisions get made on how to proceed. I love you all 💕

Bone Biopsy

Waiting with my Sweetheart 💜

So I was a little nervous for today's bone biopsy, not going to lie. I realized that in all my other biopsies a needle was used to extract what they needed, but how would you do that with bone? Well, my fear was confirmed... with a drill of course!

My morning started by arriving to the hospital at 8:30am. I got registered and not long after that was escorted back to my prep room. When I asked the registrar how long this procedure was going to take, she said they had blocked 150 minutes of time. 150 minutes! That's over two hours but I knew that included the prep time but still, wow! After entering the room the nurse proceeded to explain what would be happening. As we were talking, another nurse inserted my IV and to my thankfulness, she listened to me and got it on the first try, hallelujah! My health history questions didn't take very long as I was just at the hospital two days prior and the information was still in the computer. So we had a long time to chat with our nurse while waiting for the procedure before us to finish. Shout out to my Kadlec nurse today. She was awesome and stayed with me the whole time. She learned quite a bit about my health history during our visit and I made it pretty clear I didn't want to feel anything today. I knew they weren't going to knock me out but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to remember any of it. I don't normally have a good response to getting numbed up for medical things so I just wanted to make sure she understood that today I didn't want to have to prove how tough I am.

Before getting escorted to the CT room, the doctor came in to visit with me and explain what he'd be doing. He was a little hard to understand but I did understand the word drill when he used it. Oh dang! I'm not getting knocked out and they're using a drill. Sounds like another "happy place" moment for me. Yikes! He had me sign the consent form and my nurse came back in to escort me to the CT room. I had to lay on my stomach for this procedure because they took the biopsy from my back right pelvic region. I won't go into details about everything else, but my nurse was fantastic! She took good care of me. I only remember a little glimpse so she did a great job! By the time we left the hospital it was a little after noon. I couldn't believe we were there that long but most of it was just waiting. They said it usually takes about 3 days to get the results back, so I'll check Friday afternoon to see if they're in. Now we wait to see which cancer came back. Two doctors have already told me they think it's the Triple Negative Breast Cancer that's back, but they have been surprised before so we'll see. I'll probably have to get a mediport put back in, which I'm not a fan of, but I guess it makes administering Chemo a lot easier and other meds if needed.

If you know me, you know that I Love Christmas! I love everything about Christmas: the music, sounds, smells, foods, Santa Claus, serving others and especially the reason for the season, Christ's birth. I have no idea what it would be like to not believe in Jesus Christ. I've believed in Him my whole life. I've never seen Him or met Him, in this life, but I know He exists. Statement reminds me of the movie, "The Santa Clause." The whole plot of the movie revolves around the idea that Santa is real. Do you remember this part near the end of the movie?

Neil (stepfather): What about Santa's reindeer? Have you ever seen a reindeer fly?

Charlie (child): Yes.

Neil: Well, I haven't.

Charlie: Have you ever seen a million dollars?

Neil: No.

Charlie: Just because you can't see something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. 

Charlie stayed true to what he knew by his own experience to be right. Charlie believed, he did not doubt. I believe in God and in his son Jesus Christ because of the things I know in my heart and mind, not because of things I do not know. We have spiritual experiences that are sometimes to sacred to explain to those around us, but it doesn't mean that they're not real. 

"There is no magic to belief. But wanting to believe is the necessary first step! God... is our Father. He wants to speak to you. However... it requires an experiment upon the word of God-and to exercise a 'particle of faith.' It takes a little humility and requires an open heart and open mind. It requires seeking, in the full meaning of the word. If we make no effort to believe, we are like the man who unplugs a spotlight and then blames the spotlight for not giving any light."

Belief and faith require our personal choice and action. 

Mathew 7:7-8

7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. I remember reading a story that hit a little close to home. Different circumstances but same idea. On June 12, 2015, a husband, wife and two of their children were killed in an airplane accident. Their 5 year old son was thrown from the plane but survived with broken bones. One son was serving a mission in the Marshall Islands and their 17 year old son was on a school cultural exchange in Germany. 

Obviously the children were heartbroken with the unexpected news of their family members deaths. The older two boys decided that others could help at home while the oldest boy finished his mission, because that is what their parents would want. Their sadness was followed by an "unquenchable fire of faith... I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will see my family again. … Strength in our trials is always found in … our Lord, Jesus Christ.”

At his families funeral, the 17 year old spoke to the congregation and ended by saying, “The day after I heard the news of the accident, I found a letter in my bag from my mom. In the letter she wrote: ‘Zane, remember who you are and where you come from. We will be praying for you and missing you.’ Zane continued: “There could not be more fitting last words from my mother. "

Faith is not by chance but by choice. I Choose to Believe. I know who I am. I know God's plan. I'll follow him in faith. 

Radiation

I promise I will add to this tonight. Schedule has been a little crazy around our house, but quickly this is what we learned from the MRI yesterday. I have atleast 10 tumors on my brain that the doctor can see. Because of this, they'll need to radiate the whole brain. Chemo can not penetrate the brain membrane but cancer can, so in order to kill the cancer cells that are there, we need to radiate them. I'm going in for mapping of my brain this morning. I will update this later tonight. I will say this quickly, I have felt your prayers and fasting in mine and my families behalf. I have had no bone pain since Sunday, which is huge! I love you all <3 - Rebecca
______________________________________________

I'll back up again a little bit and explain what's happened this last week. So last Thursday, July 12th was my first radiation treatment. I knew this would be pretty uneventful from past experience. I make a 50 minute drive to the Cancer Center, lay on the radiation table for maybe 3 minutes, and I'm done. So I figured, if that's all it's going to be, I might as well look cute doing it. So I wore a new shirt that Rachael got me and took my favorite bag because I refuse to be labeled the cancer patient. Not yet anyway. I also took Makenna with me to do some college shopping because I don't want to miss out on all her fun preparing for school. We hit several stores afterwards looking for basic things that she'll need and then it hit me. I just needed to get home. No matter how much I want it to be different, my body just can't do everything I wish it too. So I drove home and went straight to bed.

Haha, obviously I'm not a selfie taker.

This cute bag was given to me by one of my dear friends the last time I had cancer. I love it! It holds all the things I need and travels with me everywhere I go. 

I didn't sleep well Thursday or Friday. Radiation has been different this time. I have had a lot of bone pain where they're doing the radiation treatment. Since there are "innumerable" lesions on my bones, we are not able to treat all of them with radiation because it hurts the bone marrow and we need chemo to travel through that to attack all the areas we can't get with radiation. I think that's how they explained it to me, so they only want to radiate the areas where I'm currently hurting. But only one of those areas has a visible tumor that they can see and that is located on my left pelvic region. Thursday, Friday and Saturday though, I was in a lot of pain during the nights after treatment. The pain meds the doctor gave me only worked for a couple hours, so I bagged those and went back to ibuprofen. That helped way better! Ibuprofen, a heating pad/hot baths and my leather recliner were my friends those three days. It's crazy because I feel best when I'm up walking around. Laying down and sitting is the worst. So it's kinda crazy because when I get tired, I need to lay down but I also know that will bring on more pain.

The weekend was nice because family was in town and so was the new baby in our family. I love newborns! Seriously, it's like my favorite thing. I love their smell, the little ball on your shoulder, and the perspective that a new baby brings. It was nice to visit with all the family and just take a break. I have had no bone pain since Sunday. One of the tender mercies of everyone's fasting and prays.

Monday morning was the MRI early at the hospital. I've had this before so again I knew what to expect but lately they've had a hard time finding veins for me to insert the IV. Sometimes I wish we had a number that we could show how many times we've been stuck for an IV, so when you try to tell the professional where to stick you, they'd listen. Really, I don't need to hear how good you are at sticking an IV, I just want you to get it the first time, not the fourth. Yes, it keeps taking every one four times before someone gets my IV. Good thing I'm ok with needles, but seriously, I'm going to look like I'm a drug addict pretty soon. The MRI was fine and the results showed up on my KChart an hour-and-a-half later. I wasn't going to read them until the doctor called but I did. Here is what I saw:

MRI Results:

Numerous cerebral metastases are identified scattered throughout both cerebral hemispheres and cerebellar hemispheres. 

That was the first line I read. Hmmm... that can't be good.

Numerous enhancing brain metastases are identified. A small amount of vasogenic edema is seen surrounding the larger metastases. A selection of the largest metastases are measured as follows:
1. Left middle frontal gyrus region 11 mm.
2. Medial right caudate head 7 mm.
3. Anterior-inferior left frontal lobe 9 mm.
4. Medial superior aspect of left cerebellar hemisphere adjacent to vermis 13 mm.
5. 2 adjacent metastases are seen at the posterior margin of the right cerebellar hemisphere 

    measuring 14 mm and 11 mm.

Now I know why the constant headaches. My cancer doctor is out of town this week but the results were sent to my radiation doctor and she talked to me about them later that afternoon. Honestly, Shad and I had already cried over the results and I can't do that for very long because my head really starts to hurt bad so we decided we'd treat ourselves to a caramel apple from "The Country Mercantile," after the appointment. My radiation appointments are late in the afternoon, early evening; so when the doctor came to walk into the room, she hung her head down and made a sad face. I just said, "We already know the results, can you just hurry and explain what we have to do so we can go get a caramel apple from the mercantile before it closes?" She just looked at us, smiled and sat down to write out her notes. This is what will be happening for the cancer in my brain:

1. Start taking Dexamethasose 4 mg tablets (I think this is for pain flare ups after radiation)

   - take 4 times daily

   - side effects: insomnia, weight gain, thrush, acid reflux

      *Really - weight gain (I've yet to be the skinny cancer patient)

2. Radiation Therapy

   - whole brain radiation - 15 treatments

   - side effects: hair loss, skin reaction (sunburn on forehead & earlobes)

      *Again, Really - (I just got my hair back to the length it was before I lost it last time)

   - also long term/short term memory loss

   GOAL: get rid of the disease in the brain

3. Medications: Dexamethasone, Memantine

   - help with headaches and protect memory

   - STOP ibuprofen

I asked if it came back to the brain later, what do they do? She said Stereotactic Radiosurgery.

So as soon as we left, we raced to the Mercantile, just to find out they stay open an hour later, and they're out of my plain caramel apples. What? How does that happen? So we went to the next best thing, Huckleberry Ice cream and it was gone too!! This was just a bad day all the way around.

Which finally gets us caught up to today. I went in early for my radiation treatment because they also had to do the mapping for the radiation that will be happening on my brain. That was an interesting experience. It's amazing to me the concoctions that people come up with for the medical field. So I walk into the room where the CT scan is and the lady goes to explain what she is about to do to me. Now, I'm not one that needs to take medication to help calm me down for tight places like a CT scan or MRI but I do close my eyes and just talk myself through it. Because lets get real, tight spaces where you can't get out, not a first choice for a good time, but this was different. She showed me where I'd lay down like normal but then she showed me this rectangular hard piece of plastic. She explained to me how she was going to put it in water and after I laid down, she'd put it on my face and it would be very warm but cools down quickly. She would stretch it around my face to make a mask for the scans. She said not to worry because after it's in the water it'll be vented so I can breath through it. Uh huh! And then she'd mold it around my head. Sure, that sounds like going to DisneyWorld, "lets do it," I thought to myself. Ya, well DisneyWorld may be my happy place but this was not. I was brave and made it all the way through it without complaining or saying anything once but oh boy! That has to be the closest I've ever come to having a panic attack. Not only did she mold it around my face, she tacked it down, like with screws, all the way around my head! There was no getting off the table even if I wanted too.

Tomorrow morning is my bone biopsy. I can't imagine that's going to feel to great but I did say, I don't want to feel anything, whatever that takes. So I'll try to make another update tomorrow. I apologize for the length of this but I do want to include some details of things, so that one day, when I print this into a blog book, my family can read it and say, "Mom did hard things, so I can do hard things." I believe in miracles! Despite all the bad news, there's evidence that God knows me and is aware of my situation every day. Those tender mercies in my life usually come through you. Thank you for keeping me and my family in your prayers and acting on the promptings you receive throughout the day. I love you!

Family Fun

One reason for having a blog is so I can print it into a book for later. Not everything has to be so serious. Decided to do something fun with family this last weekend, while I still feel like I can.

Started the day at my nephew's baptism. We didn't get a picture with him
but he was beaming from ear to ear.

Family photo stop at the temple. I love to come here. The closest place to heaven on earth.

Decided to float the Yakima River. Not the cleanest river I've ever been in,
but always fun to spend time together.

This is fun for everyone because we see the harvest of our labors. 

Christmas in July for Shad.

Radiation Starts This Week

I will add more to this tonight, but went to the Cancer Center yesterday and met with a Medical Director or I call her, Radiation Specialist, to go over possible areas we can radiate. Unfortunately where my pain is, there's no tumors. Weird, I know. So... there is one bigger tumor that's in my left pelvic area that we are going to radiate. Everything else, is smaller and scattered throughout the middle of my body and will be hard to get. I describe the way it looks to be like the sprinkles you put on a birthday cake. On the Pet Scan we just saw lots of smaller tumors scattered everywhere, lots of black dots. But that also gave me hope. I can beat those black dots!!

So Radiation will start this Thursday and go only for two weeks, so that's not bad at all. Just wish there were more areas we could zap! I also got my hair cut yesterday to make it easier for me to take care of. I will post pics and more info later today.
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New Information and Updates

Friday, July 6 - Started drinking Alkaline Water (Idea behind this is to starve cancer cells found in my
                         body because cancer cells thrive in an acidic environment. Drinking something more                           alkaline is said to slow or stop cancer growth. When your told you're terminal, you                               try new things and the doctor said, go for it. I drink half of my body weight each day,                           which isn't hard.)

Thursday, July 12 thru July 25 - Radiation Treatments at Cancer Center

Friday, July 13 - Integrative Onocologist Appointment (To see other options besides Chemo)

Monday, July 16 - MRI 6:30am (To see if any cancer's in the brain)

Wednesday, July 18 - Bone Biopsy 8:20am (To see which cancer has actually come back so we know
                                                                       how to treat it and move forward.)

Forgot to take a before picture, so here was Sunday.

It was shocking at first, but will be so much easier for me to take of with my bones hurting.